


Nutshell

by FondueForTwo



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Pretty dark but will get lighter, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22961536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FondueForTwo/pseuds/FondueForTwo
Summary: Charlotte has everything she could have wished for but is far from happy. She’s young, pretty, athletic, has a loving family and a steady job yet Charlotte couldn’t help feeling she was just waiting for death. As a result of a failed suicide attempt Charlotte learns that her heart is damaged beyond repair and now has only days left to live. Through a certain redhead, Charlotte learns about the world, love, life and how special and precious it is.
Relationships: Charlotte/Becky Lynch | Rebecca Knox
Comments: 18
Kudos: 17





	1. I'd Feel Better Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the song ‘Nutshell’ by Alice In Chains. This piece I have written is based on the book ‘Veronika Decides To Die’ by Paulo Coelho.

Chapter 1: I'd Feel Better Dead

Charlotte took one last check to see if she had packed everything away in her now cold, half empty apartment. She had already thrown out most of her stuff and left only things people might want. If she was going to go through with this then there was no need to leave her family with the pain of having to sort out her personal stuff on top of their grief. Charlotte grimaced at the thought of what her loving family will have to go through, how they won’t understand. Her decision has nothing to do with them and she hoped they knew that they were the perfect family. 

After making her last checks, she placed her phone on the coffee table as she turned the speakers on in her living room and hit shuffle play on her Spotify account. The blonde than walked into her bedroom and placed a glass of water onto her bedside table as she lay down on her bed for the very last time. She turned to her side as she patted her pillows to make her more comfortable for her big send off. Charlotte pondered for a minute why she was treating this like a ritual, why was she trying to make everything perfect. She was ending it all, seemed pretty pointless she thought as she opened her bedside table draw to view all the sleeping pills she was about to consume. She began to slip them into her mouth and swallow, one by one to make sure that if at any point she changed her mind then she had the opportunity to stop. That never came. She took every last one and soon enough she placed the now empty glass of water down on its coaster. 

As Charlotte waited for darkness to devour her she realized she didn’t know exactly how long this would take. She looked for her iPad so she could browse the internet to pass the time before she died. She began regretting this decision as she remembered one of the reasons why she was ending her life so early. The world is an awful place. She almost gave up until she came across an article about the famous Irish MMA fighter Conor McGregor. The article was entitled with a quote from him, “I am not talented, I am obsessed”  
This struck a core with Charlotte, she almost earned for a life where she felt like that about her job. She liked her job, she was very good at it but being a legal adviser for a business company had never called for a passion that she knew never existed deep down inside of her. Charlotte debated in her mind whether she thought something was wrong with her for the fact that she is ending her life prematurely. Eventually the blonde decided she wasn’t crazy for feeling the way she did. In fact she thought if she’d bother to leave a note behind, many people would agree with her. 

Seeing everything online, watching it on the news, reading it in the newspapers. Everything was wrong. The cruelty of society had taken its toll. She suffered this overwhelming need to fix the world but ultimately felt completely powerless. This wasn’t the only reason why, there was also the fact that Charlotte can only see her life going downhill from here. She felt that now her youth will be slowly creeping away from her and her family and friends will depart from her world, how the longer she lived, the likelihood of greater suffering increased. She couldn’t comprehend that there was anything past this mundane daily routine. That’s why she was ending it. She smiled at the thought she was being able to die on her own terms, how she had finally taken control of her life but by doing so it was a goodbye.

Charlotte began to wonder what was taken so long. She turned the iPad off and placed it on the floor and went back to lying on her back in her bed, still not having felt any changes yet. Closing her eyes to the sound of ‘Constant Craving’ blasting through the speaks from the next room. She smiled slightly at how apt of a song choice it was to have playing as she left this place. As the track lulled her away into a relaxed state of mind, she began to think of how she was finally going to have the biggest question answered. What happens when we die? Charlotte had grown up with a religious family and believed in God her whole life. These days she had her doubts but that doesn’t matter anymore. If there really was a God than surely he or she would understand why Charlotte had to do this. 

Before she could finish her thoughts, Charlotte began to feel sick and the blonde knew it was working. Trying her best to not vomit as she knew that would defeat the purpose of her plan. Charlotte made an effort to look outside her window one last time. It looked like the sun was setting. A beautiful pink line loomed in the distance and the blonde marveled at the gorgeous send off. 

Until stabbing pains began in her stomach and rapidly the pain proved too great to handle and Charlotte clenched her stomach. She cursed herself for thinking this was meant to be a peaceful way to go and not as painful as it currently was. She suddenly had a blast of panic rush through her body. Who was going to be the unfortunate sole that would find her? If anyone did come to find her that is. Before losing complete consciousness the blonde experienced a truly horrifying feeling of fear, fear of not knowing what was about to happen to her. This was it.


	2. Freedom is a verb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not long after I uploaded the first chapter a friend passed away, as it relates to topics that’s covered, I took some time off before coming back to writing this. I apologies for the delay. This chapter title comes from ‘Seven O’ Clock’ by Pearl Jam.

When Charlotte tried to open her eyes there wasn’t much she could see. It was all a blur. She felt the tube down her throat and the agony in her body that quickly followed helped her remember why she was in pain. It’s how she felt daily about the world, her whole adult life. For this reason she knew it didn’t work and she wasn’t dead. The blonde blinked her eyes adjusting to the lights in the room, her head tilted to the side and let out a groan. Her body felt tight and uncomfortable. She felt like she was choking “Oh, she’s coming round” a female voice could be heard.

Charlotte made as if to remove the source of her discomfort but discovered her hands bound to the bed she lay in. It dawned on her that she was strapped in. “You need to calm down darling, you’re not in hell but you’re not too far off.” There was a pause “You’re in Hiraeth”

“Hiraeth?”

“Yes, Hiraeth Psychiatric Hospital”

She knew at once what had happened. She had tried to kill herself, she had planned it out so meticulously but someone uncounted for arrived in time to save her. Could have been her sister, she sometimes pops round unannounced or maybe even her mother. Never her father though, he is too busy for that. Not that Charlotte blames him, he was doing what he loved. But the fact is she survived and she was now in Hiraeth.

Being that the hospital was local, the blonde grew up on stories about this place and now she was here. It was a surreal feeling as it dawned on her that everyone she loves must think she’s crazy. 

“My cousin killed herself about a year ago.” The nurse interrupted Charlotte’s spiraling thoughts and continued. “Had a husband and three kids who loved her but she had gotten to the stage where she wasn’t getting out of the house. She would just sit on the couch eating, getting fat, smoking and then sleeping. “

Charlotte closed her eyes trying her best to embrace this story that she didn’t want to hear. She felt a bit guilty but she had just woken up from an attempted suicide, she didn’t really feel up to hearing a stranger’s story that almost certainly was trying to reprimand her actions.

“There was one point it looked like she was turning it around. Her husband started cheating on her and she was so angry. Arguing for weeks no end, throwing plates at the walls, keeping the neighbors up. She started losing some weight, eating right. It was the happiest I’d seen her in a long time. She was actually fighting for something, something was challenging her.”

Charlotte opened her eyes again and looked at the nurse dumbfounded. “I’m sorry but this story is really stupid. She should have just left the guy.” The nurse frowned at the interruption. “What’s this got to do with me anyway? ” the blonde persisted.

The nurse ignored her interruption and carried on “He stopped cheating and then she quickly slipped back to her old ways. One day I get a call from her, a voice mail saying goodbye. I had never heard her sound so calm, so accepting of her fate. It was as if she wasn’t happy or unhappy and couldn’t go on anymore”

A number of emotions stirred in Charlotte. She felt sorry for the nurse in front of her telling this story. She seemed to struggle to understand her cousin’s death and was attempting to comprehend it. The blonde also felt agitated, no-one should judge those who decided to die. Each person knows the extent of their own suffering. She could understand if there is no meaning to your life, why not choose to end it. That’s why she’s currently stuck here. Charlotte wanted to explain that but instead started choking on the tube wedged down in her mouth as the nurse got to her feet, rushing to help.

“I’m sorry if I upset you but you need to calm down” This aggravated Charlotte even more as she arched her body as best as she could while being restrained to the bed, she wanted to rip all the cables connected to her so she could just be left to die in peace.

Charlotte soon stopped struggling as the nurse injected a sedative in her arm and she started drifting into a dream like state where time was an allusion. It could have been hours or days that passed till she next opened her eyes to see the ceiling moving above her. She was being wheeled in her bed, still attached to it, across different hallways. She could hear the sound of a TV on in the background and some muffled arguing. She tried to look at the people around but everything was blurry. A mass of orange merged into her vision and it caught Charlotte’s attention. “Wow that’s bright hair” she muttered to no-one in particular before her eyes grew heavy again.

*****

Becky sat opposite Dr Blake in an awkward looking chair she couldn’t quite get comfortable in, not she would let it show. She was busy staring at the floor in front of her struggling to concentrate. Her long orange hair beamed with the reflection of the sun and was the soul attraction of the room. One thing the Irish native was certain of is that her hair’s a great conversation starter. It soon lost its affect after seeing Dr Blake the 12th to 20th time.

Dr Blake had studied her for a few moments, patiently waiting for the words to come from his patient but the agonized frown across her face painted a picture she was consumed in a world of her own. “You know Becky your compulsory time with us will be ending soon” At this Becky looked directly at him. For a split second fear seeped from her eyes, but then her mouth grew to a smile. “Good”

He leaned out of his chair and placed his notes on his desk. “I really recommend you stay with us a little longer.” At this Becky quickly stood up out of her chair. “Are we done, can I go?” she asked politely without much emotion although feeling a bit guilty for wasting his time. Dr Blake let out a heavy sigh and nodded, he gestured to the door. “I’m here if you want to talk, anytime.” his parting words as she rushed out of their before he could finish. Becky walked towards her room and noticed someone new being brought in, a blonde lady, probably the same age. Her eyes followed the blonde as she passed. She looked completely out of it. As she passed around the corner Becky focused on her current situation. She was getting out, she had wanted this for so long, and why is that scaring her half to death.

*****

“She should be coming round any minute”

Charlotte didn’t know how long she had slept but waking up she looks down to find her tubes are gone and she was no longer confined to her bed. I’m alive, she thought. Charlotte felt like she could think a bit more clearly than before. Her mind raced with the foreseeable future and how it was going to pan out. I would have to stay here for a while before they realized I’m not crazy. They’ll let me out and I’ll go back to my perfectly normal life again. I’ll go for my walks around the park, get my job back, I’ll go out clubbing and talk to my friends about the same old shit. I’ll get a boyfriend, I’ve never struggled with that. We’ll make love and I’ll feel a certain amount of pleasure but the moment I reach climax the feeling of emptiness returns. We won’t have much to talk about just make our excuses like ‘it’s late’ or ‘I’ve got to get up early in the morning’ and go our separate ways. Just like it’s always being with everyone in my life, I always end up on my own. One day I’ll accept this is what life is about.

A tall doctor with thick jet black hair wearing a typical white trench coat stood at the foot of her bed. A woman was also with him taking notes. “How long have I been here?” Charlotte’s mouth felt dry. “I’m Dr Blake and this is Dr Evans, she is my junior. You were in a coma in intensive care for 2 weeks, before being well enough to be with us here. You’ve been in Hiraeth for a couple of days. Your very lucky to still be with us” at his last remark he shocked himself and Charlotte noticed this immediately and felt uneased by his reaction to his own remark. After going through some memory and blood tests the doctors explained to Charlotte what happened to her and that Hiraeth was a privately funded psychiatric facility, that her parents approved her stay. The blonde was quite for the majority of this taking in this information. “How long do I have to say here?”

Upon this question the pair of doctors looked sheepishly at each other before Dr Evans finally spoke “Unfortunately, we have some difficult news in that regard.” There was a awkward pause as Charlotte stirred in her bed, she could feel the tension in the air. “When you took the overdose your heart stopped and you had a heart attack, this caused a ventricular aneurysm. There is irreversible damage to the mechanisms that pump blood to your heart. I’m afraid the aneurysms are so large its inoperable. It will get bigger and bigger every day until it finally ruptures”

Charlotte felt a wary of mixed emotions all at once and was overwhelmed that tears starting to rise to the surface “So I’m gonna die after all?”

“I’m afraid so”

The doctors waited to see how the blonde will handle this information. Charlotte wiped her dry mouth with her lips and blinked back the tears “Well how long do I have, six months, a year, years?”

Dr Evans sat up and walked closer to Charlotte, she placed a hand onto the bed as a comforting gesture. “Exact estimates are impossible but it could be any time, it may only be a matter of weeks at most”

“I have to wait that long?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Wiki, Hiraeth means homesickness or nostalgia, an earnest longing or desire, or a sense of regret.


	3. Closer to Closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while.

Charlotte lay still on the stiff bed staring at the ceiling. She had spent her whole life waiting. Waiting for her dad to come back home from work, waiting for a text back from a one night stand that never arrived, the train, the bus, phone calls, emails. It shouldn’t be a surprising she’d have to wait for her death too. Still, she cursed to herself in frustration. ‘Of course, this could only happen to me’. 

Charlotte sat up in the bed, eyeing up her surroundings. She was sick of waiting. Charlotte needed to find some pills or something to end it now. It was dark but she managed to make out the outline of her roommate she hadn’t met yet, asleep on the bed across the other side of the room from her. She quietly got up and walked towards the door, slowly turning the door handle making as little notice as possible. Once it opened fully, a nurse on guard in the hall way looked up from her book directly at the blonde. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I need to use the ladies room” Charlotte bit her lower lip, lying hoping she could escape from there.

“Down the hall on the right” the nurse gestured down the hall taking a sip of her coffee from a mug that read ‘That’s mug-nificant.’ Charlotte tried her best to not roll her eyes. “Thanks”

Charlotte walked into the restroom and was immediately hit with the smell of smoke. Each cubicle had no doors and above it, one small narrow window only being reachable if you stand on the toilet seat. This had been the reason for the smell attacking the blonde’s nostrils. The orange haired girl Charlotte vaguely remembered as she had been brought here, stood on the toilet seat leaning on the wall with a cigarette in hand.

“Why hello lass, you’ her for a number 1 or 2?” She exhaled the smoke through the small gap of the window while smirking at her own joke.

Charlotte was a bit surprised by the Irish accent that seeped through the woman’s words “What? No I’m – I’m looking to use that window. How far does that thing open?” Charlotte asked directly, she didn’t really want to waste time with small talk.

The redhead “Yah looking at it” as she held her hand thought the gap showing it could barely get through. ”Sorry”

Charlotte sighed and gave up with that idea. After a moment of silence “Do you do this often?” Charlotte pointed toward the cigarette. “How have you not been caught?”

“First attempt, going well right?” The redhead smiled “I bribed da nurse with ma mug of coffee” danced her head feeling happy with herself that her plan had worked so easily.

“You mean to tell me that mug with the atrocious pun is yours?” Charlotte raised her eyebrows

“Atrocious?? Hey! How dare yah, I’ll kill yah for saying that” the redhead caught herself too late. “I—I’m sorry lass, didn’t mean too.” She grimaced as she trailed off. “Everyone’s story gets spread like wildfire around here” The redhead continued with an apologetic look.

It was the kind of sympathetic look that usually annoyed the blonde but she could tell the Irish woman was being sincere. Charlotte shrugged it off rather than given any sort of reaction to accidental joke. She was more surprised that people knew already. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Charlotte broke the tension. “Can I have one?”

The redhead looked at her puzzled but pulled out a cigarette from her pack. “Sure, but yah don’t look like a smoker to me” she placed her lighter and cigarette on the sink counter furthest away from herself.

“Tell me…” Charlotte paused before she continued her question while putting the cigarette to her lips and lightening it up. ”What’s your name?” 

“Becky” Becky replied and gave Charlotte a wave of her hand.

“Becky…I’m Charlotte.” The blonde blew out some smoke “Tell me Becky what do I look like to you.” Charlotte perked her lips in anticipation for an answer.

Becky inhaled a deep breath and looked to the floor in a bashful manner “To be honest love, I don’t know yah so I didn’t mean anything by it”

“No it’s ok, I want you to answer honestly” Charlotte insisted with a kinder tone. She was actually interested in finding out from a complete stranger.

After a long pause of thought, Becky finally spoke up “Honestly?” She questioned. Charlotte replied with a nod.

“Yah look tired” Becky didn’t look at her out of guilt as she stubbed her cigarette out in the sink.

Well at least she’s honest Charlotte thought. The blonde walked toward Becky extending her arms out to give the lighter back. The redhead’s previously chilled nature had all but disappeared as her eyes grew wide with terror and her body crumpled into herself.

“Please don’t come any closer” Becky screamed and quivered into the corner of the wall.

Charlotte backed off in confusion. Becky saw her opportunity and ran past Charlotte out of the door without another word, clearly distressed. Charlotte stood there for a minute and reflected on what just happened before finished off her cigarette. “I’m truly in a nut house”

******

It had been a few days since that encounter and Charlotte had fully ‘settled in’, if you want to call it that, to her new surroundings. Her roommate Sasha, a Boston girl with long electric blue hair, in the beginning had shown her around providing her details of most people here. After the introductions, Sasha mostly kept to herself. She seemingly didn’t want to make friends and neither did Charlotte, so that was perfectly fine with her. There was a small part that Charlotte suspected that prehab’s the reason for the distant was that Sasha knew that’s what Charlotte wanted, and for that reason she was grateful that Sasha was her roommate. Charlotte didn’t know why Sasha was here, she didn’t care to ask. There’s not much point getting to know her when she won’t be here for too long.

Charlotte lifted her pillow to find Becky’s lighter underneath it. It had an Irish flag on one side and on the other it was engraved with the words _Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine._ Charlotte absentmindedly fiddled with it wondering what the translation was and weather she should seek the redhead out and give it back. It looked like it properly means something to her.

“What is that you keep playing with?” Sasha interrupted the blonde’s thoughts as she looked up annoyed from her book

“Oh sorry, I didn’t even realise” Charlotte replied clenching the lighter in her hands, almost trying to hide it from her roommate.

Sasha sighed purposely “Well can you stop opening and closing it, it’s rather distracting.”

There was bit of silence before Charlotte stood up and walked over to Sasha. “This is Becky’s, I tried to hand it back to her but she completely freaked on me” She towed over Sasha and held out the lighter to show the shorter woman. “What’s her deal?” Charlotte continued

“Oh Becky? Yeah, avoid that weirdo. Whatever you do, just make sure you don’t touch her. Things can get a bit rough.” Sasha paused eyeing up the door and leaned forward to Charlotte in a whisper “Couple of weeks ago she hospitalized a few nurses as they tried to sedate her”

Charlotte frowned “Why?”

“Nobody knows really, just that she hates any physical contact. I’ve never seen anyone closer than a meter to her.” Sasha than leaned back with force and smirked “Now could you back off a couple off meter too, I’m in the middle of reading a good book.” 

Charlotte knew she meant no malice and was probably messing around. Charlotte didn’t feel any particular way about it, so felt no need in bothering to respond out of curtesy. Instead she walked out the room intending to give this back to Becky. Charlotte wasn’t sure as to why she felt the need to do this right now but having a task at hand felt really important. Prehabs the distraction helped a bit.

She found the recreation room where a few people were watching TV and spotted the redhead Irish woman sat with her legs folded in the corner arm chair, painting her fingernails black. Becky looked up from her hand as she felt a presence walking towards her. Charlotte made sure to stand far way enough not to set off the unstable woman. The blonde placed Becky’s lighter on the nearest side table next to her bottle of nail polish. “This is yours” She muttered as a matter of fact, never looking once at Becky and walked towards to the exit.

Becky uncrossed her legs and sat up in her seat “Hey, wait”

Charlotte turned back around raising her eyebrows in a questionable manner.

“I don’t normally do this but can yah do me a favour?” Becky looked anywhere but at the blonde out of embarrassment. Charlotte could tell Becky wasn’t use to asking for help. “Keep a hold of it for me? I’m not meant to have it and ma nails are still wet.” She murmured in a hushed tone and held nails to her mouth as she blew on them.

Charlotte sighed as her shoulders slumped. She picked up the lighter again. “Fine” The blonde huffed.

“Thanks Charlie” Becky winked at her cheekily.

Charlotte physically recoiled at the unwanted nickname, but what shocked her was that she wasn’t actually that annoyed by it. Rather, she found it endearing and that feeling did not sit well with Charlotte. Before she could respond, the sound coming from the TV grabbed her attention.

It was the voice of her father. There he was on TV, walking outside his office building to his car, being asked questions by the local press. She rushed over to the remote and turned it up, catching the end of his sentence. “ _She’s in the best of care, no further comment. Please leave me alone_ ” 

“WOOOOOO! Charlotte Flair is in a mental hospital. Charlotte Flair is Crazy, WOOOO!” a stogie middle aged man with very fine long blonde hair, obnoxiously yelled right into the back of Charlotte’s head. Impersonating her famous father’s catchphrase. She whisked around so sharply the man stepped backwards, before he could blink he felt an almighty sting of his cheek followed by the sound of the slap. Charlotte hand still hung in the air as she looked at him with the fakest surprised face she could muster.

“I’m so sorry, guess I’m just _so_ crazy” Charlotte voice was a few octaves higher as she noticed the man’s cheek instantly go a shade of red. Her eyes wondered over to Becky who was still sat in the corner, chuckling to herself and gave Charlotte an impressed nod. For the first time in what felt like forever, Charlotte tried to hide a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the massive delay in an update, I needed a break from writing for some personal reasons and my work life had become incredibly busy. Anyway I’m back and am full of ideas. I will be updating all my unfinished stories on her and I thought I start with this one. Hope you enjoyed, cheers.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. No Becky yet, but we’ll meet her soon. My only concern is that this ends up triggering someone into a bad spell, as I am in no means a professional about mental health. So if you feel affected by some of the themes brought up here, please talk to someone. Feel free to message me anytime.


End file.
